The Haiti Chronicles
Light skin. Dark skin. Long legs. Short legs. Thick arms. Thin arms. Brown eyes. Blue eyes. Big nose. Little nose. Straight hair. Curly hair. Different --- mm-mmm, but the same. Ah-ha! Now isn't it delightful, simply out-of-sightful, bein' with you this way! - excerpt from "Bein' With You This Way" children's book. I was corresponding back and forth with a friend today that I haven't spoke with in quite some time. He was sharing with me about his upcoming travels + where his adventures are leading him next, and he asked me if I had any trips planned in the near future. for the first time, in a long time, I realized I don't. his intentions were honest + pure, but it got me thinking about the current state of Haiti, the trip I was planning to be on (in the next couple weeks) and how long it has been since I've been there. My last trip was in September of 2018, which in reality is only about 5 months, but it feels like years for me. When I'm away for this long, something in me begins to stir + change. Haiti has become so much a part of me, that it is hard for me to be away. It reminds me of who I am + who I want to be. It strips away the parts of me that are selfish, the parts of me that are unkind, too privileged or too self-absorbed. It reminds me of who God is, and how much He loves us. How much grace He has for each one of us. How his light will always conquer over darkness. I miss it all. I miss the dirt underneath my fingernails after a long day of working in the mountains. I miss the sweat dripping down my shirt in the hot months. I miss the cool breeze that comes off the ocean in the evenings. But most of all, I miss the people. I miss my friends. I miss the ones who have shown me what real love looks like. Who would share their last meal with you, if that was all they had. The friends who have been formed across the ocean, from a distance, and the friends that are still the same each + every time I visit. I think there is something deep inside each of us that longs for adventure. It may not be traveling to a third-world country + living with the people, but it's there. Maybe it's just going across the street to meet the neighbors and join them for dinner. Maybe it's having kids, or pouring into the next generation. Maybe it's reaching out to someone who doesn't look, think, feel, or act the way you do - not in order to teach them, but to learn from them. Whatever it is, I believe our hearts were made for this. We were made for community + to learn from each other. I find, that going the distance, whether that be getting on a plane, or walking across the street --- it's always worth it. When I was a kid, one of my favorite books was called, "Bein' With You This Way". The description of this book reads: "In a rap-style prose poem, expressively illustrated in colored pencil, a racially mixed group of children enjoying a sunny day at the playground discovers the virtues of racial diversity and, at the same time, the basic identity of all human beings." We were created for each other. We were created by love + to love one another. I find that each time I choose to do this, my life becomes rich in deeper ways. My desire to travel comes from a deeper desire within my heart to meet all kinds of people. To share with them, to learn from them, to grow with them. It is not the people who look the same act the same feel the same talk the same that will shape our lives or change our thoughts. It's those who are different from us. Tear down the walls. Let the love flood in. I think you'll find, it was where you were meant to be all along.
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"... a question I’ve been thinking a lot about lately. How do we prove who we are? I don’t mean who our driver’s licenses say we are or what our careers suggest about who we are or who we tell other people we are or who they tell us we are. Jesus talked to His friends a lot about how we should identify ourselves. He said it wouldn’t be what we said we believed or all the good we hoped to do someday. Nope, He said we would identify ourselves simply by how we loved people. It’s tempting to think there is more to it, but there’s not. Love isn’t something we fall into; love is someone we become." - Excerpt from Chapter One of "Everybody Always", Bob Goff I recently joined a small group of friends on the launch team for the new book, “Everybody Always”.
This is Bob Goff’s latest creation, after releasing his best-selling book, “Love Does” that many of you may know of or have read. That book changed my entire perspective on how we should love others, and how we should view Jesus. This new book of his, is a reminder to love everybody, always. The second piece to the cover page says, “Becoming love in a world full of setbacks and difficult people”. I think this is a lesson I've been learning over the course of the past few years. It seems, sometimes, like the world is getting crazier and crazier, and moments of real connection or genuine love can feel few and far between. Bob makes things like this seem really simple, because they are. They're not easy - but they are simple. We need not look for love from others, or search far and wide to find it - simply put, we can become love ourselves. All of the tools we need are already inside of us, waiting to be brought out & shared with the world. The first chapter of Bob's new book talks about exactly that. Becoming Love. It takes pursuit, and some days it's harder than others - but it is always simple. It doesn't need to be over-complicated, or given an agenda, because then it's not love anymore. Loving people the way Jesus loved them means coming in with no reservations, and loving them with everything you've got. And it doesn't mean loving the ones who are easy to love - though, we should love them too. It means loving the people who also creep you out. Those are the people Jesus spent most of his time with here on this earth, and those are the people I think we should spend time with, too. The question of, "Who Am I" is something I think everyone thinks about from time-to-time. It's a common-thread weaving throughout our society, and a placeholder that can end up having a lot of weight if we let it. But - if we instead, go against what the "norm" seems to be, and truly dig into who we are, we will see, all we needed has been there all along. And all we need, truly is, love. There's no coincidence that there are over 97-million songs written on the subject, or that almost every major television show features a couple that we champion to be together. These types of love that we speak of and show, may not be the real thing - often times, we want to trade in the authentic love for the easy kind. But, then again, that's not really love either. The kind of love I want to become is the kind of love that gets messy. The kind that reaches into the lives of others, and comes out linked arm-in-arm. I want to live a life that is authentic, and full of whimsy. If there's anything this book is teaching me after just one chapter - it's this. Love doesn't sit around waiting for an opportunity to show up. And we shouldn't wait around, either. If you're looking for your purpose - or your passion - or your starting moment, you don't need to wait anymore. Just go love everybody, always. “I’ve learned that God sometimes allows us to find ourselves in a place where we want something so bad we can’t see past it. Sometimes we can’t even see God because of it. When we want something that bad, it’s easy to mistake what we truly need for the thing we really want. When this sort of thing happens, and it seems to happen to everyone, I’ve found its because what God has for us is obscured from view, just around another bend in the road.” - Bob Goff, Love Does This is Haiti. I’ve told a lot of the people close to me my story of why I’m back in Haiti and what I’m doing here, etc. But, there is also a lot of people I haven’t told. The reason isn’t to keep people in the dark. The reason is, actually, because I think life is better celebrated quietly. Something I’m learning the older I get, is that the whole world does not need to know or see my special moments. I’m learning to be secretly incredible, and it is changing everything. But, that’s a story for another time. Today, I wanted to share a little bit about my past four years in this beautiful country, and a little of what God has taught me along the way. I am re-reading Love Does for- I think- the fourth time now. This book never gets old for me. This quote that I re-read recently, perfectly outlines my relationship with Haiti. For a while, I made Haiti my god. Two years ago, when I was living here for the first time, all I wanted was to be in Haiti full time and be an awesome missionary doing incredible works for the world to see. I had it all wrong. I had put Haiti in the place of where God needed to be in my life. And it’s funny to me now, looking back, at how much I struggled when I felt God was saying I couldn’t go back and live in Haiti full-time, with the thought that this was wrong for me. I fought so hard against it. I was un-happy, and confused, and lost for a long while. I didn’t trust God for what He was doing in my life. I was angry with God. I wanted Haiti to be my life, and I didn’t see how God could take that away from me. Looking back, I see exactly why God did what He did. If I had moved to Haiti then, I would have had an entirely different perspective on what God wanted me to do, and who He wanted me to be. The two years that passed in-between then and now have been some of the most crucial learning years of my life. They have also been laced with some of the hardest things I have ever experienced. I think, the two tend to go hand-in-hand. Even though, like most, I would prefer to skip the suffering stage and go straight to the end result. I spent a lot of time in those years questioning who I was, who God was, if what I believed was merely something I had grown up with or if it was my personal beliefs. I wrestled with God, I doubted God, I learned how to re-trust God, and I learned the deep faithfulness of the Lord. It took a long time for me to see past Haiti as my only option for what I wanted my life to look like. I took a long period of time off from coming to Haiti. In this time, I saw Haiti for what it truly was. It is a place where I learned the meaning of selfless love. It is a place where I found pieces of my soul that I didn’t even know I had. And it was, and still is, a place where I find God and meaning, so very clearly. But, it’s not my god anymore. I learned, that I am okay if God doesn’t let me live here forever. I am okay, if God shows me another place where I can connect, and grow, and learn to know His spirit deeper. God taught me, that it is Him alone, who brings purpose into our lives. It isn’t the work we do, or the people we love, or the places we live. It is, indeed, knowing Him and living in communion with Him throughout our lives that is our eternal purpose here on this earth. Through knowing Him, we can do the work that we do with passion and purpose. Through knowing His love, we can outpour our love to others in a way that Christ loves us. Through living our lives with Him, we can be examples in the way in which we live to the world. It took a long, long, bend in the road to get to where I am today. It wasn’t easy. It was brought with tears, and loss, and fears, and suffering. But, it has brought me to a place much deeper and richer than I could ever imagine. “… And when each of us looks back at all the turns and folds God has allowed in our lives, I don’t think it looks like a series of folded-over mistakes and do-overs that have shaped our lives. Instead, I think we’ll conclude in the end that maybe we’re all a little human origami and the more creases we have, the better.” - Bob Goff, Love Does "God isn't afraid of your sharp edges that may seem quite risky to others. He doesn't pull back. He pulls you close. His love + grace covers your exposed grief, and step-by-step leads you to a new place of victory. A sweet place your soul is so glad to be in though you never would have chosen the hard path on your own." - Lisa TerKeurst, Uninivited Book It's been a year. An entire year since my feet have stepped onto Haitian soil. For some, this may not seem like a very big deal- or a long time. But for me, it has seemed like an eternity. After my first trip to Haiti in October 2014, nothing could stop me from getting back there as quick as possible. I was a girl on a mission. I fell in love with Haiti, madly + deeply. It was the first time I felt like I had witnessed complete + utter sacrificial love in the flesh. I was in awe of the Haitian people, their culture, their habits, every thing about their way of life entrigued me. Witnessing simplicity + tenacity from these humans was incredible. They live with such resilience. Nothing can stop them. It's inspiring, to say the least. And they truly have so little, yet their hearts + souls are as joyful as ever. They share God with you in raw + deep ways that you would never have known had you not seen with your own eyes. And so I fell in love. And that love was full encompassing for so long. It took over my entire life + I could not see clearly. All I could see was my newfound passion for this place + her people. Now that I have been away for a year, and taken a step back, I have realized quite a few things about my relationship + love for Haiti. I would like to share two of them with you all, in hopes that you might find comfort + similarities through my words, into your own struggles + wanderings: 1. It replaced my love for God. Now, everything I was doing/have done in Haiti was for the Lord. I felt that God had called me to this place specifically, and the connection I had with it is unmatched by anything else in my life. I know, that Haiti is a special place for me, and it was only through the Lord that this had happened. However, I have realized over the course of 2016 (and being away from that beloved place) that I had traded in God for Haiti. I had decided on my own that Haiti was e x a c t l y the mission that God wanted for me, and nothing was going to change that. I think it's easier than we realize, to take amazing + beautiful things God has given us, and turn them into what we think He wants for our lives. I wanted my life to be Haiti. I wanted to move there full-time + serve. I wanted to sell my possessions and start a new life of a missionary in the field. I WANTED IT SO BADLY. But, I don't think that's what God had for me at this moment. And it was painful, and really, really hard to recognize that. But it took a deeper looking into to see that my love for Haiti had overgrown my passion + reverence for the Lord himself. I believe 2016 (the latter parts) were completely about finding God all over again. I spent a whole lot of 2016 sick, confused, questioning, angry... I felt as though God stripped away everything in my life to make it completely + utterly apparent that all I really needed, desperately, was Him. Nothing else will satisfy. Not even my deepest human desires. Not even living in Haiti. I was broke, I was sick (multiple times) + I even questioned a lot about God. God revealed himself to me in my wanderings, in my longing for something that nothing of this world could satisfy, and even in my sickness + broken-ness. He showed me who He was, again. He reminded me of the daughter that I am. He proved to me once more that His love is ever-chasing, always flowing, always ready to catch me when I fall. And through this past year of struggle, of hardships, of learning who I am, and who God is- I have come to a richer, sweeter place of knowing the Lord. I have come to realize that what we do in this life is so far outweighed by the glory that we are to bring to our King through these things. It was never about us. It was always about Him. "When I reflect on the character of God, I see so many attributes that make Him truly worthy of worship. But the fact that He is and always has been about one thing and one thing chiefly- His own glory- is always the most surprising. I'm the kind of gal who needs to know my purpose and have it defined really clearly before I enter into something. And yet, I'll be completely honest and tell you that when I began my relationship with the Lord and started walking with Him, I thought it was about me. I was convinced it was for me to feel better, for me to get more out of life, for me to go to heaven, and for me to just become an all-around better person. But our actions, our feelings, our lives do not keep the earth spinning. And this is good news, right? We are not the main character in the greatest story ever told. This takes the pressure off. We can all breathe easy now. In the same way that we feel truly alive when we see a vast night sky or a huge, expansive ocean, the greatness + bigness of God frees us up for wild worship instead of small living. Our Father created us for His glory and created our world for His glory. He chose His people for His glory; He rescues us for His glory; and He raises up leaders among us for His glory. He defeats our enemies for His glory; He gives us victory for His glory; He draws us near after we sin for His glory; and He saves us for His glory. Jesus was about His Father's glory. Jesus called us to good works for the glory of God; He suffered for God's glory; and He made a way for us on the cross so we could be coheirs with Christ- for God's glory. The author of Hebrews writes, "The Son is the radiance of God's glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word. After he had provided purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty in heaven." (Hebrews 1:3) The residuals for us are incredible- there's no doubt. We get eternity, everlasting life, earthly spiritual abundance, and we get our needs met. We get the Holy Spirit; we get to be ambassadors for our glorious God- and so much more. But the surplus blessings that we inherit out of His love don't change the everlasting purpose of God's interactions with man- He wants His glory. - Wild and Free Book, Jess Connolly + Hayley Morgan 2. I forgot that our lives are about His Glory. I think another huge thing I've learned/have been learning even recently, is that our lives are not about us. Go figure, huh? I knew this. I've known this. And yet, I forgot this. I have been so consumed with trying to figure out my purpose, my calling, my next steps, that I forgot to acknowledge how to best bring glory to our Father in Heaven. I think it's really, really easy to get to this place. We live in a day + age that is all about the 'ME' lifestyle. Treat YO self. It's all about you. You have to work, work, work, to achieve your goals. You have to put in the time, if you want to make things happen. Hustle has become a new catch-phrase, like it is the only way to truly get to where you want to be. And amidst all the hustling- you lose yourself. You lose your place of rest. I know for me, I was so hyper-focused on my dreams + goals for Haiti, that I forgot a lot about all of the things I was already good at. Things that have been instilled in me from birth. The things that made me happy as a clam when I was younger. The passions + loves God had placed in my heart a long, long time ago. And this past year has been about re-finding who God created me to be. Let me tell you, it takes a lot of the pressure off. When you realize, all you need to be is exactly who you already are. Woah. Game changer. Instead of listening to what the world keeps telling me I should be by 24--- successful, married, living in a pent house... you get the idea. I am listening to what God says about me. And He calls me loved. He calls me adored. He calls me His own. He calls me a daughter. By taking the time to step away from the distractions + busy-ness of my life, I have learned a new way of life that has been able to peel back the layers of distractions, and clutter. To create space for the things I really loved, the things I enjoyed doing before the constant spinning of the world took place + I was overwhelmed. I am learning to fall in love with God all over again. And through all of this. The wandering, the searching, the questioning... I have come out on the other side to seek God once more. Fully surrendered, to whatever he may have for me. And through that, I can say, excitedly + with great anticipation of God's goodness, and His faithfulness- that after an entire year away, I am going back to Haiti again. I am so, so grateful for a God who gives + takes away. For a God of second chances, a God who knows the deepest + most bleeding desires of our hearts, and how He uses them for His glory. Because no other way would suffice. And because we, as humans, need to learn a thing or two about giving up the glory to the One who created us all. "Think about your adolescent self, your child self, the "you" you've always been.
God imprinted a sacred, beautiful collection of passions + capacities right onto your heart: what do you love? What does your passion bubble over for? So much of adulthood is peeling off the layers of expectation + pressure, and protecting those precious things that lie beneath. We live in a culture that shouts, that prescribes rather narrowly what it means to be a woman, what it means to be a success, what it means to live a valuable life. But those definitions require us to live on a treadmill, both literally + figuratively, always hustling to fit in, to be thing enough and young enough and sparkly enough, for our homes to be large + spotless, our children well-mannered and clean-faced, our dreams orderly + profitable. But that's not life. That's not where the fullness of joy + meaning are found." - Shauna Niequist, Present Over Perfect "How many of us are embracing the comforts of suburban America while we turn the deaf ear to inner cities in need of the gospel? How many of us are so settled in the United States that we have never once given serious thought to the possibility that God may call us to live in another country? How often are we willing to give a check to someone else as long as we don't have to go to the tough places in the world ourselves? How many parents are praying that God will raise up their children to leave their homes and go overseas, even if that means they may never come back? And how many of us are devoting our lives to taking the gospel to people in hostile regions around the world where Christians are not welcomed? Meanwhile, Jesus commands us to go. He has created each of us to take the gospel to the ends of the earth, and I propose that anything less than radical devotion to this purpose is unbiblical Christianity." - David Platt, Radical. I thought it would be easy... It is not. I thought that the feelings of missing my family and friends would change the fact that leaving the island is bitterly hard for me. Sadly, it has not. I've only been home for a few days now, and yet, I feel as though I'm not even home. I've had this weird outer body experience where I feel as though I am floating around; excited to see friends, excited to be in my bed or in warm clothes- but on the inside, it's not right. Things feel different. They don't feel like they did before when I would come home and be completely at ease at going to Target or out to eat. But now, I am finding every piece interwoven with the time I've spent these past two months in another place in this world. A place that is full of community + love. Where people have no bank accounts, no massive savings, or spendings. People that have lived the struggle- and not the "struggle" as we define in America such as not having the outfit you wanted clean at the right time, or Mis-matching socks to shoes. But the real thing. The pain, the suffering, sickness, hunger, lack of clean water. These are things that happen on the daily where I have just come from. And I walk around America, looking at the superficial background to everything that our culture is based off of. And I can't take it anymore. I can't walk into a store and see things that I personally need, when so many others have never had access to such "necessities". I can't buy clothes without thinking of the women and children I've seen with holes in their dresses, and broken shoes on their feet. I can't let this life pass me by without remembering what I have experienced, what I have seen, and how God wants to use that to help change the world. He doesn't place us in these situations to ensue change for ourselves. { even though that does, in turn, happen. } He places us in these situations to change our lives for Him. Yes, He changes us along the way- but he is ridding our lives of the stuff that so heavily clogs our journeys with Him. I can't help but sit in my bathroom, clean toilets, toilet paper, shower running, water in the sink- and think back to bucket showers + running out of water. Or not knowing what could be in your water source that you drink from every day. I can't sit in my health without remembering the stories I've heard of friends going to the hospital and being Mis-diagnosed several times and still ending with the same results. Nothing changing. I can't lay in my bed without thinking of the massive amounts of children who are sleeping in a one room home, probably on the ground with no bed. How am I supposed to sit back and not do anything about this? How can I let something so deep and unsettling slip by while I ease back into my three-to-five meals out per week, and my constant Target runs simply because I can? It's not fair, it's not just, and it's not okay. It's not okay for me to be here when my brothers and sisters are dying across the world without even knowing who their Savior is. It's not okay for me to live in luxury my entire life and let the others live in filth. It's not. Okay? It's not okay that tonight I had a hot shower, a huge meal, and a full bed to sleep in, while others sleep in the dirt and go hungry. But, let me tell you what is okay. It is okay to grow up in privilege. It is not okay to be selfish. It is okay to have money, to be able to go to college, to have a job. It is not okay to let those things not be used to bring glory to the kingdom of God. And to life the kingdom of "us." It is okay to live in America. It is not okay to not care about the rest of the world. I could go on forever, but these are just a few. I'm not writing this blogpost to pinpoint any one person who does these things, or to judge others walks. I am simply writing this because it is what I deeply need to remind myself when I am coming back to a country that is so focused on making much of themselves. It is something I need to hear, and if you need to hear it too, then even better. But I am just here to remind myself- that just because I grew up with the amazing life that I did, does not mean I can stay comfortable and choose to stand by when the rest of the world does not have these things. I am reminding myself, that even though I was raised here- that does not mean this is my final destination. Heaven is our home, not this earth. And until we fully grasp that, we will never truly understand our purpose here. Our purpose is not to make much of ourselves, our purpose is to make much of God. And that may look different for you. That may mean talking to your neighbors, serving in the city you've lived in your entire life, and donating across the nations to organizations you believe to be true and making a real difference. But for me, it looks like laying down my life. Choosing the route that I love, but also that is extremely hard + challenging. The road that leads to hope + Jesus. But the road that is laced with struggle, pain, diseases, and even death. But all of that, will eventually lead me to Christ. And so, how can I say no? "Please, don't miss it because the American Dream seems a reasonable substitute, countering the apparent downside to living simply so others can live at all. Do not be fooled by the luxuries of this world; they cripple our faith. As Jesus explained, the right things have to die so the right things can live- we die to selfishness, greed, power, accumulation, prestige, and self-preservation giving life to community, generosity, compassion, mercy, brotherhood, kindness, and love." - Jen Hatmaker, Seven. "Little of what we have would be considered necessities, and as long as we are living in our culture, we will be surrounded by luxuries. So why not simply begin a process of limiting and eliminating some of them? Why not begin selling and giving away luxuries for the sake of the poor outside our gates? Why not begin operating under the idea that God has given us excess, not so we could have more, but so we could give more? Now we're getting radical. Or maybe we're getting biblical." - David Platt, Radical. As I sat in a little metal chair outside the "Sugar Rush" candy store I started to think back on my two months spent here in Haiti. Tonight is my last night on the island, and it has felt a lot more like an American day than any given day in Haiti. We left early this morning to head to Hotel Montana (for you raincatchers people, you know this place well) to stay for the night. On the way we danced, sang & busted out to all of Bob Marley's greatest hits along with some Lecrae + Jbeatz thrown in the mix. But back to scene one- the candy shop. Quite literally, a typical American scene. And it got me to thinking about "traditions" and the "norm" in America, and how different that is for here. Haitians don't go to ice cream shops on the weekends and get their favorite flavor aside gummy bears or toppings galore (as I do, in the states) They don't go to fancy sushi restaurants and eat fried tempura rolls or drink out of fancy twisted glasses (as I did tonight) Sure, like all places, there are some that do, and will experience such things. But for the majority, they won't. And they have not. How many of these things do I do weekly in the states? That have lost their "magic touch" to me because I have conformed to see them as normal. Nothing here is "normal" to me. Yet, I so throughly appreciate + embrace it, because it is changing me to be a better person. In the US (at least by my experience, I do not speak for everyone) these things are no longer special. Sure I enjoy going to Baskin Robbins on hot summer nights with my friends or my mom, but it's not abnormal. It's more so routine. It doesn't come with the special connotation, that it's something that should be treated as such. And I think that says a lot about how we live in America. So many things are given to us, pushed on us, thrown to us- and we don't know any different. If we don't seek out difference. We are content (and I surely was too) to sit back and go out to eat multiple times a week, or spend money on clothes, shoes, home decor, etc. just simply because we can. And it's the norm. But people here- and many places around the world- don't have those simple luxuries. I feel like, for me, this has really taken away the specialness of all that life could be. I think that if I separate myself from these every day (or weekly) luxuries for a while, they will be so much more special to have. Trips to a restaurant for dinner, trips to the grocery store, ice cream, movies, etc. Whatever it may be- all of them add up to the same thing. Making it special again. I don't want everyday to pass me by, and to look back on my life just to see I went to get ice cream 1,000 times, and didn't have anything special to remember it by. By taking these things into moderation, we get to see a new found joy in the little things. I'm learning, by living and serving in Haiti, that the small victories are what it's all about. Haiti is a crazy place- one that is full of corruption, poverty, and insane amounts of people. But it's also beautiful, and resilient, and a place that needs Jesus just as desperately as anywhere else in the world. But here, I see lives change by living with them. I see the small things, making the big impacts. I see relationships unfolding and hearts coming closer to Christ. Women learning their worth, taking pride in their work, and loving one another. Over my two months here, I have seen more than one girl change for the better. I have seen how the little details of everyday life are truly as special at the monumental moments. Lives can and will be changed simply by loving people well, and building relationships. At this time in my life, and in my internship, I didn't have much to offer. I don't have fancy skills or big words. I'm not a visionary, or someone who can come up with amazing projects at the flick of a switch. But what I can do, is love others well. I can be with them in their suffering, in their pain and their sickness. I can stand by them as they create jewelry or sewing projects and tell them, "I am proud of you". I can choose to stand up for the people that a whole lot of the world could care less about. And I choose to do that because of who my God is. I didn't choose this path for myself. Sure, I am in love with Haiti and it's people. But it's not by my own doing. I didn't care about Haiti when I was younger, I really didn't even know what Haiti was. But by following God, and saying "Yes" I have embarked on a journey that has now changed my life forever. I can no longer picture a world without Haiti. I cannot take this country out of my head, or see a photo of it and just pass by. I have been changed. And through all of this, the two months, the four trips, I have seen that God is faithful. He has taken things that once were normal and daily life, and has made them special again. He has taught me to appreciate the little things. Something I always wanted to do, but couldn't fully grasp living in America. And I thank Him for that. For reminding me that there is more to life than ice cream and good restaurants. (even though I cannot wait to eat "American" food, aka tacos and hummus.) And that his faithfulness transcends all countries, all places, all people. He is here, He is in America, and He is in every place in all the world. And He can make things special again. If you let him. “And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.” Luke 11:9 NLT I was talking with one of my Haitian friends about different things going on in the world today. Presidential candidates. Wars. Violence. Danger. All of these things + more. Then we got on the topic of America. And how so many things I grew up knowing as "truths" are for from the actual. How many things in my life have I chosen to believe simply because I was told to? How many times have I not looked into things simply because of the way I was taught? If there's something I've been learning over the course of the past year or so, it's this: Start Questioning. Don't accept everything you've heard your entire life to be the truth- without getting to the root of why. Let's take Haiti, for example. I grew up knowing nothing about this country I now live in. I didn't read about it in textbooks. I didn't hear about it in World History. I wonder how much of the "World History" we get in school is really about the world? And not the Americanized version. Looking back on it- what sticks out most to me is U.S. History. Not world history. From a young age I knew who George Washington was, I knew all of the capitals to the 50 states, and I could sing our national anthem without fail. But did I know about children dying of malnutrition, AIDS spreading, or lack of clean drinking water worldwide? No. Now, this is my own personal remembrance- if you knew about these things via school + the education system in America, I applaud you. But for me- the questions didn't come until much later in my life. College. College was the first time I heard about the word "Human-Trafficking". No doubt this problem ha been going on for many, many years throughout multiple countries in the world. But yet- I didn't know about it until college. And even then- it wasn't via textbooks, class, or professors. It was through a group of students attending my church. How much of my experiences, my dreams, my "goals", have been influenced by the American point of view? If it weren't for Raincatchers- I might still be where I was, today. Ignorant. Selfish. And blinded. By the fact that the majority of the world suffers because of the "American" mindset. "We have in many areas blindly and unknowingly embraced values and ideas that are common in our culture but are anti ethical to the gospel He taught. Here we stand amid an America dream dominated by self-advancement, self-esteem, and self-sufficiency, by individualism, materialism and universalism." - David Platt, Radical. Now before I get booed, or yelled at via message- hear me out. No, this is not all Americans. No, this does not mean everyone + their mom is out to get the world. But Yes, this does mean one thing: Open Your Eyes. Don't accept what you've learned all these years to be solid ground. I could talk about how America has screwed Haiti over, for days- but I will spare you. However, I encourage you- or better yet, challenge you. To start looking outside of the "American Dream" that is fueled in every facet of where we live. And see that Jesus calls us to so much more than that. Just because we were born into wealth + privilege does not mean we should let that dictate how or what we believe. "I don't know if I think of myself as rich, and I'm guessing you may not think of yourself as rich either. But the reality is, if you and I have running water, shelter over our heads, clothes to where, food to eat, and some means of transportation (even if it's public transportation), then we are in the top 15% of the worlds people for wealth." - David Platt, Radical. "Excess has impaired perspective in America; we are the richest people on earth, praying to get richer. We're tangled in unmanageable debt while feeding the machine, because we feel entitled to more. What does it communicate when { half the global population } lives on less than $2 a day, and we can't manage a fulfilling life on twenty-five thousands times that amount? Fifty thousand time that amount?" - Jen Hatmaker, Seven. I have found through questioning my experiences + privilege, that I don't want to be thrown into the "American" category. I want to be in the child of God category. The one where ALL people are treated equally. The one where He says, "sell what you have and give to those in need." The one that loves the neighbor right next door + 10 countries away. The one that betters those around them- and challenges them to go and do likewise. Don't settle for the basics. Seek out the truth. Because, I promise you- you will find it. It may not be what you want to hear + it may not be what you've learned to do. But trust me- it will be worth it. "Welcome To America" lyrics by LECRAE. [Verse 1:] Uh, bI was made in America land of the free, home of the brave And right up under your nose you might see a sex slave being traded And will do anything for the money Boy, a mamma might sell her babies Sell porn, sell pills, anything to pay the bills Anything to bring that pay Gotta scratch that itch Gotta scratch them ticks Ain’t rich but I might be And I'mma shoot these flicks I'mma turn these tricks Anything for a slight fee Yeah, made in America Mamma told me that I belong here Had to earn our stripes Had to learn our rights Had to fight for a home here But I wouldn't know a thing about that All I know is drugs and rap I probably could have been some kind of doctor Instead of holding guns and crack I was born in the mainland Great-grandpa from a strange land He was stripped away and given bricks to lay I guess you could say he a slave here But I was made in America So I don’t know a thing about that All I know is Uncle Sam looking for me, working on his corner so I know I gotta pay tax Getting paid in America I was raised in America And this is all I ever known If I’m wrong then you better come save me America [Verse 2:] Man, I’d die for America I served my time for America Got shot, shot back, went to war, got back and ain’t nobody give a jack in America I could've lost my life, boy, I lost my wife I can’t even get right in my home land Cold sweats, hold tecs, paranoid looking out for a threat in my own land I was trained in America How'd they get up in them planes in America? Flew them right into the buildings Taking out civilians People getting killed in America? And I’m still in America Though America ain’t feeling me I went to war for this Country Turned around came home and you drillin' me? When y’all free here saying you don’t wanna be here Well, you probably could breathe here If I didn’t load a couple magazines here Y’all just complain in America I’m jumping out of military planes from America Aye I was made in America That's why I’m out here saving America I got a brother in the cemetery now Cause he wanted y’all safe And everybody want the freedom but nobody want to hear about face! We bled for America To keep y’all fed in America But whats the point of talking a lot of y’all don’t really even care America [Verse 3:] Uh, I wish I lived in America Wanna raise my kids in America Heard everybody rich all I gotta do is run, jump, kick I'm a hit in your area So please pick me, America I know you'll probably never love me You never hear about me on the news And you’ve probably never been to my Country I hear you selling education and got clothes that you throw away Got plenty food in your nation I can tell cause a lot of y’all are overweight I already work for y’all I’m in the sweatshops making these shirts for y’all Now I ain’t getting money, go to bed hungry But I make some exports for y’all And y’all don’t know a thing about that You was made in America I’m trying to find me a ticket Where the sky is the limit catch a plane to America It should be plain to America Y’all blessed and you got it made Heard y’all don’t pray no more Y’all ain’t saved no more Y’all looking for another way Well, I hope it ain’t true But I’m packing my suit Farewell to my motherland Said bye to my loved ones Fate here I come, I’m going to another land I done made it to America I’m amazed at America But I couldn’t get approval to stay so they sent me away from America A chapter of your story may say struggle A chapter of your story may say pain A chapter of your story may say insecure But that is not the end of the book. There is a new chapter. Today is a new chapter. - Junette, Danita's Children. Jezi Se Tout Bagay. These words were the theme of my past weekend, spent in Ouanaminthe, Haiti. We (all of Jasper House Haiti) had the incredible opportunity to go stay the weekend in this beautiful place, for the #ShineHaiti first ever conference. This conference was put on by Shoreline Church in Texas, as well as Sisterhood, and Danita's Children. To say this conference was amazing is an understatement. This conference was exactly what I needed at the time, and perfectly ordained by God. I have never felt more like I've been in the "right place at the right time" than I did this weekend. We started the trip with a drive from Jacmel (the city I currently live in) to Port-Au-Prince. Many of my Raincatchers family knows this drive well. For others- it's beautiful, probably my most favorite drive I've ever taken. It's a winding road- but it's through the beauty of God's creations. We then took a tiny (and I mean tiny...) plane from PAP to Cap Haiten. This plane had about 20-seats, zero air-conditioning, and zero safety instructions. The pilot simply boarded the plane the same time as us, and then started it up + was ready to go in a few minutes. No such thing as a video presentation of the safety procedures- nada. So we just went with it, and soon we were up in the air chasing the clouds. It was actually one of the smoothest flights I've ever had- the plane barely moved around + take off was simple and easy. Once in the clouds, as I watched the propeller, all I could think of was Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. And how deeply I used to want that flying car. Once we landed in Cap Haiten- we took a private van to Ouanaminthe. About a 45 minute ride through the beautiful "countryside" of Haiti. Aside from the similar Haiti-style houses, I felt as though I was driving through America in the summertime. The land was lush + green. With foliage everywhere. It was one of the most beautiful drives + stretches of land I've seen in Haiti to date. We arrived in Ouanaminthe + were welcomed wonderfully by the staff at Danita's Children. I walked into the house we were staying at and made a remark, "Wow, this is really nice!" and Maria told me, "Just wait." Welp... She was right. When I stepped foot into the Danita's Children compound, I was in awe. Never have I seen such an organization in Haiti. It was huge + beautiful. The buildings are up to American standards, and they spread across the campus. There is a medical building, church, orphanage housing, special needs housing, and a cafeteria. They also have a malnutrition center for children. I mean- this place is seriously impressive. So I admit- I was forming pre-conceived thoughts the second I stepped through the gate. I'm used to city power, bucket showers, and no internet. This place was basically America to me. I felt like I was in a movie- coming off a deserted island after spending weeks on the land, and finding paradise. Just picture the Even Stevens movie, and you pretty much got it. But anyways... Back to me "judging a book by its cover" and totally thinking, "Wow, these people really have it all here." By night one of the conference, my world was truly wrecked. My false judgements + ridiculous assuming were thrown out the window the second Danita started telling her story. I felt so ridiculous for thinking all the things I did. Night one was probably the most impactful for me. We got to see all of the women come in to register. 500+ Haitian women came to this conference. Some traveled very far + took off days of working to attend. Working + making money here is extremely important. These women chose to take off days they would usually be selling in the market- to come and learn about Jesus. And that is powerful. Night one, Danita told her story. She explained how she came to Haiti with little knowledge of what she was supposed to do here. She didn't have a plan, she had no money, and she most certainly didn't have wi-fi. She was a young girl with a call from the Lord, that she followed blindly. Taking it one step at a time as God revealed each plan He had for her. And that to me is completely admirable + awe-inspiring. I connected with her story on so many levels. She told us about her first trip back to the US after about 6 months in Haiti. She was going to bed one evening, and she saw her shoes on the ground. She heard from God and He told her, "You don't know who you are, and you don't know where I'm taking you." This resonated with me on such a huge scale. Most of my time here I have felt those exact things- without having the words. I've felt like I don't know where God is taking me, and I can only see a tiny piece of His plan unfolding. But something I realized this weekend is this: it's okay. And even more than that- it's better that way. If I knew everything God was going to do in my life, I would probably run the opposite direction in fear of failure. If you had told me five years ago that at age 23 I'd be a completely single woman, living in Haiti by herself- I would have said, "You're crazy." And ran the other way. But here I am, or here I was- sitting in a church in Ouanaminthe, Haiti, and realizing my entire life is going to look so much different than what I had "planned" for myself. As the service from night one went on, the pastor from Shoreline Church came up to speak. Her name is Laura Koke, and she knows a thing or two about reliance on the Lord. Once again- my pre conceived notions told me, "Okay, she's from a Mega-Church, aka a lot of money, living the easy life in America." (If you haven't learned by now... I'm sometimes not as Christ like as I would like to be, and I let the "judgement" get the best of me.) But once again, God changed my perspective. She opened her heart + told us the story of her son, Caleb. He passed away at the age of seventeen. He would have been my age if he were here today. Once again, my world was wrecked. Thinking about how I could be Caleb. I could have been the 17-year old who got in the car accident. Her family has since started a Caleb Foundation- and has built orphanages all around the world in honor of their son. He will forever have a legacy- and His purpose in Heaven is much greater than what God planned for his life here on earth. It reminded me how fleeting this life of mine is- and how I cannot let the years pass me by without standing up for what I believe in- and taking initiative to be more like Christ with each day. Another thing Danita told us is that, "When God calls us, He never calls us alone." I have seen this to be true in my own life- and yet, for the weeks leading up to this conference, I seemed to lose track of it. I was emotionally + physically drained from sickness and other things going on here, that I felt alone. But she reminded me (and through her, God reminded me) that we are never alone. Since being here, I have had friends pray over me, I have been in constant prayer from my community back home + best friends. I have met some of the greatest people in the past month. I have cherished my time spent in the dark with new friends. I have learned, and grown, in more ways than I thought possible- and this conference reminded me that I need to stop looking at myself- and start looking outward. One of the awesome things about this specific conference, is that they have been planning it for an entire year. So with the resources that they + their community have, they were able to get dresses (in every single size) for every woman that attended. They got to pick out their very own, new, beautiful dress. And that was just one of the ways they made them feel beautiful throughout the weekend. On Saturday, the women received necklaces with the theme of the weekend engraved on them, "Jezi Se Tout Bagay" which means, "Jesus is everything" in English. These necklaces were given with instructions- similar to that of the Giving Key necklaces. They said that when you come across another woman, who needs to know this truth more than you- that's when you give it away. The women also all received a gift (inside were cups, towels, some form of beauty care products, and a Haitian Creole Bible) as well as a hot meal to take with them when they left. This conference lifted my spirit. It renewed + reminded me that God indeed has me here for a purpose- and that even if that purpose continues for the next 17+ years like Danita's Children... That I am willing, and ready, to take one baby step at a time. I was honored to be a part of such an amazing opportunity this past weekend. I not only got to attend- but all of the women I live with, and the staff of Jasper House, were able to attend as well. I can't fully explain how beautiful it was to see the women I love + cherish, come to see Jesus more clearly. Come to know Him more deeply. And come to see a community of women doing the same. They were wonderful house guests, they started a dance party after service one night, they took photos, they laughed, they played on the swings, and they enjoyed each other's company. And seeing that, made my heart swell with joy. It was probably the most real experience I have had here seeing the fullness of what Jasper House does for these women. It takes brokenness aside- and makes it beautiful. These women truly have a hope in God. They truly are having their lives changed. And these opportunities are something I want all women to have. This is the Haiti I see in my dreams. This is the beauty + wonder I continue to find. And I believe- that God is going to do something miraculous with this ministry. I'm just beyond thankful that He has chosen me. To be here at this time and to take part in something that is deeply rooted in His own heart. Jezi Se Tout Bagay. God sees me // Bondye We Mwen Satan was using the agent of sickness to pinpoint my weaknesses. But Christ says, "My grace is sufficient for you. My strength is made perfect in your weakness." This trip has been unlike any other trip I've ever had to Haiti. I'm here for two months, and before this trip, the longest I was here was a one-week increment. I knew that things would be different this time around, I knew it wouldn't be just a come-and-go style of events. On our raincatchers trips, we eat mainly American food. We have clean water, bathrooms, beds, and a beautiful clinic we get to stay in. Sure, it's not the Hilton resort. But for Haiti- it basically is. We are so privileged to even be able to stay in a building like that. And once again, on this trip, I have the same accessibility. I have a bed, clean drinking water, a bathroom of my own, and lots of other "privileges" that a lot of people in this country do not have. However, I do feel as though God is giving me a much better glimpse into the world of Haiti this time around. And I do use the word glimpse- because what I've gone through just this month doesn't even compare to what most people here have gone through their entire lives. First- it started out with bed bugs. Or "pines" in kreyol. This was a new experience for me- never once having them at home (thankfully) and learning how to adapt, get rid of + destroy them. This was an adventure of it's own. We had to take every mattress in our house and put them outside to lay in the sun for a whole day. We also got some mad bug spray (thanks to the constant help from my awesome Haitian friends in Jacmel, it helps to know people.) that looked like it would kill anything and everything. Then we had two awesome girls come down to stay- and they were like angels sent from above, because they brought plastic mattress covers. Never have I been so excited to see five sets of plastic encoded devices. This was thrilling. I mean I was about ready to get on my knees and thank Jesus for these gifts. (Which I probably should do everyday for all he's given me.) After that subsided- and haven't been bit since- the mosquito bites were getting the best of me. I really don't believe that it's Haiti that has caused me so many bites. You see, I've had a mosquito-lovin-body since I came out the womb. They love me... Like deep, passionate, head-over-heels love. Every summer I get at least a hundred bites, turning my legs from normal to scarred in about 2.5 seconds. So, it was expected when I got here. But they came with a vengeance (as usual) and now, once again, I have bites all up & down my legs, looking as if I got into a cage fight with a chicken. (Or something along those lines, use your imagination) And last, but certainly not least- I had captured the full essence of a bad mosquito bite- and contracted Zika. This isn't the worst thing I've ever had- thinking back to the flu last winter where I would rather have been dead then do that again. (Not really exaggerating, ask my mom) But it does have some not-so-fun side effects, such as fevers, rash, and headaches. I think I got a mild case- because you can also end up with joint pain (similar to that of chikungunya) and red eyes that are sensitive to all light. So I consider myself pretty lucky along those lines. And I tell you all this, not because I want to convince you not to move to a third world country- because trust me, this has already been the best experience of my life thus far. But to remind you- God never promised us life would be easy. He didn't say we would have great health, or go through life like a walk in the park. Which... Looking back to my life in America, it certainly seemed that way. I have everything accessible to me, hospitals, doctors, medicine, a huge bed, a mom to bring me soup, etc. The Bible that I read tells me that this life will be hard. That we will struggle + fall short. That we will have bad days amongst the good. We will suffer, we will have pain, and we will get sick. But the silver lining is- God doesn't leave us when these things happen. In fact, He's closer to us in those times. He is taking care of us, watching over us, and pursuing us just as strongly in the bad. In Matthew, chapter 11, verses 28-30, he writes: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Jesus never promised that we would have an easy life. He does promise that He'll be there through the pain. And that we can cast our burdens onto Him, because he cares for us. Moving to a third-world-country was not my "plan" growing up. I didn't plan to leave my friends, my family, and everything familiar to pursue something that was unfamiliar, new territory- and somewhere thousands of miles from home. But in The Bible, it tells us to GO. It doesn't tell us to stay comfortable, to leave the abused, oppressed, and lonely by themselves. It tells us to be with them. To live amongst them, and to show them their worth. The Jesus I know and love, takes me out of my comfort zone, out of the easy-ness of America, and reminds me that I am here for a reason. That life wasn't meant to be a walk in the park. That He created us to pursue the lost sheep. To go after the ones who feel unloved. To seek out the hurting, and to love them with a passion that only God can give us. It is so worth it to find something close to the heart of Jesus, and to take all your fears- and jump anyways. I had fears coming here- I was worried, and anxious. I didn't know what God had in store. But even through being sick + seeing ten thousand bugs I would "prefer" not to see again, He has been faithful. He has carried me through, and taught me along the way. He is constantly reminding me that He told us to go into the world and make disciples. That so many things I've adapted growing up or learned living in America- I should not just accept them as truths. I should seek + find for myself. I should dig deeper into His word + truly understand the meanings behind the stories. And not change them to be in the context of my narrow-minded-American-window. After all of this, after the sickness, the bugs, the sweat- I can still say, He is good. And I encourage you to do the same. "Do you realize what God does? He doesn't give you comfort. Instead he gives you the Holy Spirit, who is called the Comforter. The Holy Spirit literally comes to dwell in you and puts the very comfort of Christ inside you as you walk through your pain."
- Radical, David Platt. "Consider the cost when Christians ignore Jesus' commands to sell their possessions and give to the poor, and instead choose to spend resources on better comforts, larger homes, nicer cars, and more stuff. Consider the cost when these Christians gather in churches and choose to spend millions of dollars on nice buildings to drive up to, cushioned chairs to sit in, and endless programs to enjoy for themselves. Consider the cost for the starving multitudes who sit outside the gate of contemporary Christian affluence." - David Platt, Radical We all have it. We all want it. Stuff. It takes over our lives, we run out of stuff, so we buy more stuff. We need to buy more stuff, to put our stuff in. We want to organize stuff, so we buy more stuff to organize stuff. Stuff. There’s a trend I’m starting to pick up on while living in Haiti. When Americans come here for short periods of time, and observe the culture for a week, they always ask the same question, “There’s a lot of down time, do you get bored a lot?” I’ve been starting to dig a little deeper into this question, because frankly, at first, I asked myself the same thing. Why is it that when I’m here, during the longer days that the girls don’t have school, or when the teachers aren’t yet here, the down time is referred to as boredom? Or waiting. Or sitting around doing ‘nothing’. By peeling back the layers, I have come to a realization. It’s the stuff. In America, we fill our lives to the brim. We leave no room for excess time in our schedules. We go from working, to playing, to shopping, bathing, sports, etc. We don’t leave room for enough windows where we would truly sense ‘boredom’. At least I know I don’t. When I’m at home, I fill my days with working, seeing friends, hanging out, watching movies, going to the store, eating, showering, reading- and by the end of the day I am exhausted and ready to sleep. Here, my schedule is so different. I wake up slowly, usually to the sounds of roosters outside my house. I eat breakfast... something I never do in the States. I read, I connect with God, I relax, and I start the day slow. I don’t have to rush to get out of the house to my job. For one, I already live where I work- which is pretty convenient. But two, it just doesn’t work like that here. If there’s one things Haitian’s don’t do- it’s live by a time schedule. When you are here { and if you have been before, you probably already know this } there is no direct time for things. Every second of every day is not planned out. We may come into Haiti with plans of our own, but one way or another, they always change. Every day looks different here. There may be the same chores, washing clothes, cooking, cleaning the house, etc. But the days don’t fly by in a montage scene of go to work, come home, sleep, repeat. And I love that. I love waking up and never knowing exactly what the day might hold. Instead of worrying about my agenda for the day, and how I’m going to cram everything in, I wake up worry-free, ready to take on whatever comes my way. Because, frankly, you never know in Haiti. You could have a plan A, a plan B, and a plan C… and you could still end up going with plan X, Y or Z. They take things as they come. They don’t think about the future (which sometimes, can cause them problems) but in some ways it’s brilliant. They are not sitting at home everyday thinking about mortgages, taxes, what they’re going to wear tomorrow, how they’re going to figure out their next move, they don’t plan ahead. And while sometimes this can bite you in the butt- a lot of times, it eliminates massive amounts of stress that comes with worrying about the future (and not living in the present). In Matthew Chapter 6, Verse 34, Jesus says these exact words: “Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” This verse lies very true to my heart here. I see that the Haitian people make this a reality. And sure, there are things the Haitians could do better. Plenty of them. But I believe, this is one thing they have right. They don’t cram their lives with stuff, they don’t make runs to Target just to peruse the aisles to see what’s the latest and greatest. They don’t go to Costco or Sam’s Club and buy massive quantities that will probably end up going bad due to lack of time to consume. They take each day as it comes, good or bad, and let it pass by slowly. They sit, they talk, they enjoy one another’s company. They always make room for new visitors. They open their homes, they offer you food (even when they have little). This is the kind of life I want. I don’t want to a life that is so fast-paced that I get to the end of the week and say, “Where did the days go?” I want a life that is slow. I want to relax at night time, and be reminded of God’s goodness, and grace. I want to take in the days as they come, however slow they may feel at the time, and embrace them. I don’t want to buy stuff just to have stuff. I want to clean my life of all these things that hold me back from the true presence of deep, real relationships, and time with God. And Haiti, is helping me learn just that. "Excess has impaired perspective in America; we are the richest people on earth, praying to get richer. We're tangled in unmanageable debt while feeding the machine, because we feel entitles to more.
What does it communicate when { half the global population } lives on less than $2 a day, and we can't manage a fulfilling life on twenty-five thousand times that amount? Fifty thousand times that amount?" - Jen Hatmaker, Seven. |
Hi, I'm Kristina.Just a girl from Michigan who's on an adventure with Jesus. ArchivesCategories |